The mailman told me he’s off to

The mailman told me he’s off to Spain tomorrow…

So I asked him if he was going to Parcelona. He proceeded to ignore what I believe was my best joke. I probably didn’t say it right. The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery.

I’m originally from Spain, and one the strangest

So, I’m originally from Spain, and one the strangest things I discovered when moving to America was the was you hold your pens.
In Spain, we hold them straight up, whereas you hold them slightly on the side. I would always get weird looks when writing with my fountain pen. It’s not all that surprising.
After all, nobody expects the Spanish Ink Position.

Once upon a time, a beautiful princess happened

Once upon a time, a beautiful princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess, “I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel lucky for doing so.”

That night the princess had frog legs for dinner.

Two Italian men get on a bus one day.

Two Italian men get on a bus one day. As they sit down they become engaged in an animated conversation. The woman sitting behind them ignores them at first, but she starts to listen intently when she hears one of the men say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”

“You foul-mouthed swine,” said the woman indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”

These three spies get captured one day

These three spies get captured one day – a French spy, a German spy and an Italian spy.

Their captors come into the cell where the spies are being held, grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair.

They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

The captors then throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.

They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.

4 hours go by and the spy isn’t talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell.

The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk.

The Italian spy says, ” I wanted to, but I couldn’t move my hands!”

Maria goes to the bedroom with her new husband

As is tradition in Italian families, Maria spends her wedding night in her family home. Maria is a good Catholic girl who has saved herself for her wedding night and her mother sleeps in the next room in case she has any questions. She says to Maria, “You have any a problem, you come and see Mama.

Maria goes to the bedroom with her new husband and as they’re preparing for bed, her husband unbuttons his shirt. When she sees his chest, Maria jumps up, runs next door and cries, “Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!”

Her Mama reassures her, “Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy.”

So Maria goes back, but when her husband takes off his belt, she jumps up again, runs next door and cries, “Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!”

Once again, Mama reassures her, “He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy.”

So Maria goes back and finally, her husband takes off his shoes. Due to a childhood accident, he only has half of his left foot. Maria jumps up and runs back to her mother’s room, shouting, “Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!”

Her mother leaps up and announces, “Stand back, Maria -this is a job for Mama!”