A woman walked up to a little old redneck


A woman walked up to a little old redneck rocking in a chair on his porch.

“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.”

“That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?’

“Twenty-six,” he said.

Two rednecks go on a fishing trip

Two rednecks go on a fishing trip.

They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods; they spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?”

The other guy says, “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”

This guy walks into a bar in Redneck county


This guy walks into a bar in Redneck county and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised and the bartender looks around and says: “You ain’t from around here, are ya… where ya from, boy?”

The guy says, “I’m from England.”

The bartender asks, “What th’ hell you do in England?”

The guy responds, “I’m a taxidermist.”

The bartender asks, “A taxidermist… now just what th’ hell is a taxidermist?”

The guy says, “I mount animals.”

The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, “It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!”