Pirate Jokes

Why are pirates such eager readers of the Playboy?

–

Because of the arrrticles.

Oh no, sir, I said pirate ship. What on Earth would possess me to call you a pile of shit?!

What does the pirate say when he steps on a Lego?

–

Arrrrrgh!!!

What is pirates’ favorite choice of music?

–

aRR n’ B

What’s the difference between a pirate and a strawberry farmer?

The pirate buries his treasure, the farmer treasures his berries.

How did Capitan Hook die? 

He got distracted and wiped his butt with the wrong hand.

How do pirates know that they are pirates?

They think so, therefore they arrr.

What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?

A bird that will talk your head off.

To err is human. 

To arr is seriously pirate.

How does a pirate get to the top of the building?

By elevataaaaarrrrrr!!!!!

Why don’t the Chinese make very good pirates?

Because they’re not very strong in the ‘Arrrr!’ department.

Steve: I know a pirate with a wooden leg called Joe.

Pete: Really? I wonder what he called his hook.

How did Captain Hook died?

Multiple stabbings. He got a bad case of an itchy rash.

What is a pirate’s favorite letter?

 because it would be an R, but it’s missing a leg.

In case his ship is sunk, every pirate carries a bar of soap with him at all times. 

You know, to wash him ashore.

Who was the first pirate?

Noah, the builder of the Arrrrk.

What is regularly given to the sea around 8 am, if the digestion is right?

The captain’s log.

How do pirates communicate with each other?

With an Aye phone.

How do you greet a Spanish pirate guy with a rubber toe?

Hola Ruberto!

Why is it so hard for pirates to learn to read?

Because they spend months and months at C.

Why don’t pirate marriages last much?

–

Because of all the arguments.

What were the pirate’s words when he blew out the candles on his 80th birthday cake?

Answer: Aye matey!

Why do pirates make great lawyers?

Because they have very good arrrrguments.

 How does a pirate declutter his ship?

By having a yarrrrd sale.

Why are pirates bad at cards?

It’s kind of hard to play when you’re sitting on the deck.

What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands and two legs?

A beginner.

What subject are pirates best at at school?

Arrrrt.

What happened to the pirate when his wooden leg caught fire?

He got burnt to the ground.

Why don’t you usually see a pirate that is a smoker?

Because they use the patch.

How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?

–

Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.

How can you tell a pirate has fallen for modern technology?
–
It’s the iPatch that gives it away.

Wooden pegs and hooks are really expensive these days. –

They cost an arm and a leg.