Little Johnny attended a Horse Auction

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His father replied, “Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”

Little Johnny’s Preschool Class

Little Johnny’s preschool class went on a field trip to the firestation. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: “Does anyone know what this is?”

Little Johnny’s hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.

Little Johnny replied: “That’s how Mommy knows supper is ready!”

A woman looking for a relationship

A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, “Looking for a guy that won’t beat me, won’t run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.”

Three days later, there’s a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there’s a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. “Dear Amy,” he says, “I have no arms so I couldn’t even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can’t run away on you. I’m your guy.”

“That’s very nice,” says Amy, surprised, “but how will you be able to satisfy me?”

His smile widens, “You did hear the knocking, didn’t you?”


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Little Johnny was late for school

Little Johnny was late for school. The teacher asked him why, and Little Johnny explained it was because he met a man who had lost his wallet on the street.

“Ah,” nodded the teacher, “you were helping him find it!”

“Um, not really,” said Johnny, “but I had to keep standing on it until he would give up and go away.”

Little Johnny asks the teacher

Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”

Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!”

Little Johnny is relieved, “OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven’t done my homework.”

Boy complains to his father

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

A Man sits in a Restaurant and Cries

A man sits in a restaurant and cries. The waiter comes and asks what happened.

The man replies: “My wife told me that she wouldn’t talk to me for a month.”

The waiter replies, “Oh no, that’s horrible!”

Man: “Yes!!! (Sobs) Today that month is over.”