A patient bursts into a doctor’s office, “Doctor, I believe I’m a deck of cards!” The doctor calmly replies, “Go sit in the waiting room, please, I’ll be dealing with you later.”
A man farts unintentionally but loudly at a party. Another man looks absolutely scandalized and says, “How dare you fart before my sister?!” The farter looks replies, “I’m sorry – I wasn’t aware it was her turn…”
Do you need to keep a blonde girl busy for days? Give her a paper with “please turn over” written on both sides.
Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Mother: Why didn’t you use a coaster!
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Canoe. Canoe who? Canoe help me with my homework?