What do lawyers wear for work?
What do lawyers wear for work?
Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.
Why don’t snakes bite attorneys? Professional courtesy.
What do you get if you send the Godfather to law school? An offer you can’t understand.
Q.What did the lawyer name his daughter?
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.
What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road? With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many can you afford?
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed “Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.” The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked “Mommy, why did they bury two men there?”
Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News: There were three empty seats.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
A: Your honor.
“You seem to be in some distress,” said the kindly judge to the witness. “Is anything the matter?”
“Well, your Honour,” said the witness, “I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.”
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.
How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say “Fees!”
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then on the other.
Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A doberman pinscher.
What do you call 5000 dead criminal defense lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles
Q: What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny and other people don’t think they’re jokes.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, “How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?”
“Just send an account for such advice” replied the lawyer.
On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
A priest and a lawyer died and went to heaven. They were met by Saint Peter at the gate, who told them he would be giving them some transportation to get around in. He gave the lawyer a big white limousine. The priest was given a bicycle. The priest said “wait a minute” you gave the lawyer a limousine and me a bicycle. Why is that? St. Peter replied, oh we get a lot of priests in Heaven, but this is the first time a lawyer has made it.