How does a cow become invisible?
How does a cow become invisible?
What type of dog does Dracula own?
What does FIAT stand for?
Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.
What goes up and down but does not move?
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger has a better driver.
Q: Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
A: To the mewseum
Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.
Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?
Armageddon a little bored. Let’s go out.
Q: Who was the most powerful cat in China?
A: Chairman Miaow!
“The liquor store advertised, ‘We De-Liver.'”
“A man walked into a chimney store and asked ‘How much for this one?’. The salesman replied ‘It’s on the house.'”
“I just bought a pair of bad frequency shoes. I keep doppling over and my foot hertz.”
“Economic experts report that while cactus sales have spiked, aquarium sales have tanked.”
“The price of shingles is going through the roof.”
“I was looking for watch batteries but I wound up at a clock shop.”
“If they ever have a contest for the best looking mannequin, there will be stiff competition.”
“At a pet store: ‘buy one dog, get one flea’.”
“The shop that sold ceramic heads was a bust.”
Yo momma is so ashy, every time she rubs her arms it snows.
Q: How are tigers like sergeants in the army?
A: They both wear stripes!
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
“Telling a demolitionist how to do his job is destructive criticism.”
What do you call a kid with a dictionary in his pocket?
What noise does a chicken’s phone make?
What did the buffalo say to his son as he left for school?
Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fun guy.
What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
No thanks, I’m stuffed.
What type of cheese is made backwards?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
What kind of dog lives at the North Pole?
A chilli dog.
Do you know what’s on the menu tonight, girl? Me ‘n’ U!
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you I smile.
Why was the bee’s hair sticky?
Because he used a honey-comb.
The photographer was positioning my new husband and me for our wedding photos when he asked, “Have you ever modeled?”
My cheeks instantly turned red. “No, I haven’t,” I said. “But I always thought …”
The photographer interrupted me: “I meant him.”
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”
Why did the boy peek down the toilet bowl?
He was trying to find Winnie the Pooh.
What do you call a dictionary on drugs? HIGH-Definition.
I heard people say you can’t live without love.
I still think oxygen ranks higher.
Q: Why are all black people fast?
A: The slow ones are in jail.
Q: What do you call a lion who has eaten your mother’s sister?
A: An aunt-eater!
I rang the Incontinence Hotline yesterday.
The woman said, “Can you hold, please.”
Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
A: An irrelephant.
Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
A: “You can’t tuna fish.”
Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success.
Q: What are the only two seasons a Redneck can name?
A: Football and Construction.
Q: When is a lion not a lion?
A: When he turns into his cage!
Person 1: Do you know how to use Outlook?
Person 2: As a matter of fact, I Excel at it.
Person 1: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?
Person 2: Word.
Q: What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George?
A: 2 Fast 2 Curious