Little Ernie asks his auntie

Little Ernie asks his auntie, “Why do you have such a big tummy, aunt Lisa?”

“Because there’s a baby inside.”

“Do you like babies?”

“Very much!”

“Well I still think it isn’t right to eat them.“

A duck walks into a bar

A duck walks into a bar.

It asks the barkeeper: “Do you have bread?”

Bartender: “No.”

Duck: “Do you have bread?”

Bartender: “NO!”

Duck: “Do you…”

Bartender: “LISTEN! I HAVE NO BREAD AND IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME, I’M GONNA NAIL YOU TO THAT WALL!!!”

Duck: “Do you have nails?”

Bartender: “NO!”

Duck: “Do you have bread?”

Freddie says to his dad

Freddie says to his dad: “When I’m a grown-up, I’m going to marry Grandma!”

Father smiles, “Come on, you can’t marry my mom.”

“And why not? You married mine! “

Two pigeons are sitting on a roof


Two pigeons are sitting on a roof, watching a fighter plane streak across the sky leaving a big condensation trail behind it.

“Wow, he seems to be in a hurry,” observes one pigeon.

“And what would you do if your butt was on fire?!”

Lilly bursts into the house

Lilly bursts into the house from the garden and tells her mom out of breath: “Mom, mom, I accidentally knocked over the big ladder that was leaning against the house!”

Mother says, “Well go get daddy, he’ll help you put it back.”

Lilly hops on the spot, “But I can’t, he’s still hanging onto the eaves trough!”

I have a good and a bad news

Child: “Mom, I have a good and a bad news.”

Mother: “OK, start with the good one.”

Child: “I scored an A in the math test.”

Mother: “That’s awesome Lisa! And what’s the bad news?”

Child: “That this was only a joke.”

Picture of cows grazing in a meadow

The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow.

Soon, Little Johnny lifts a hand that he’s finished and shows the teacher a blank sheet of paper.

“But Johnny, you didn’t paint anything on it?” says the teacher.

“Well, the cows have eaten all the grass and since there was no grass left, they just went away.”