Kid 1: “Hey, I bet you’re still a virgin.”
Kid 2: “Yeah, I was a virgin until last night .”
Kid 1: “As if.”
Kid 2: “Yeah, just ask your sister.”
Kid 1: “I don’t have a sister.”
Kid 2: “You will in about nine months.”
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: “Put it on my bill.”
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
Q: Did you ever hear about that movie constipation?
A: It never came out.
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!
Q: What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?
Q: What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies?
A: An ambulance.
Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend?
A: Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a nose?
A: Nobody nose.
Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A: Post Office!
Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
A: Because she couldn’t control her pupils?
Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: “Where’s Popcorn?”
Q: Where do crayons go on vacation?
Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor?
A: Because it was not peeling well
Q: What looks like half a cat?
A: The other half!
Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A: A Clausterphobic
Q: “How do you shoot a killer bee?”
A: “With a bee bee gun.”
Q: What belongs to you but others use more?
A: Your name
Q: What did the femur say to the patella?
A: I kneed you.
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A: To get a tweetment.
Q: What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth?
A: A Gummy Bear
Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.
Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!
Q: What do you call a frozen dog?
A: A pupsicle.
Q: What’s the first bet that most people make in their lives?
A: the alpha bet
Q: How do you make an Octopus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a bogey in it.
Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp.
Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she will Let it go.
Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!
Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
A: He pasta way.
Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says “chew chew chew”.
Q: Did you hear about that new broom?
A: It’s sweeping the nation!
Q: What do you call a window that raps?
Q: Did you hear about the angry pancake?
A: He just flipped.
Q: What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer?
A: a loose Canon
Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!