A blonde and a redhead have a ranch

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram.” She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable.” Skeptical, the operator asks, “How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?” The redhead replies, “She’s a blonde so she reads slow: ‘Come for ta bull.'”

    A blonde is terribly overweight

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?”

“No, from skipping.

 

A ablonde dyes her hair brown

A ablonde dyes her hair brown.
She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
“Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?”
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out “352!”
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
“I’ll take this one,” she says proudly. “It’s the cutest!”
“Hey lady,” says the shepherd, “if I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?”

One day a blond walks into a doctors office

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor askes her what had happened.
She says, “well… when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone.
“Well that explains one ear, but what about the other.”
“The bastard called again”

A blonde rings up an airline.

A blonde rings up an airline.
She asks, “How long are your flights from America to England?”
The woman on the other end of the phone says, “Just a minute…”
The blonde says, “Thanks!” and hangs up the phone.

Dumb Blonde Jokes

New Collection of Dumb Blonde Jokes 

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?” The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.”


A blonde was driving a pickup with her two blonde friends in the back. The driver didn’t see the “Bridge Out” sign and the truck plunged into the river. The driver got out okay, but the other two drowned trying to get the tailgate open.


Blonde: “What does IDK mean?”
Brunette: “I don’t know.”

Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”


Q: Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
A: She can’t find the eleven.


A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”


How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.


How did the blonde die while raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.


A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…”


Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills.


Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm.


What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common? You keep hearing about them, but never see any.


Q: Why couldn’t the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
A: She couldn’t find the “10” button.


A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.” A blonde student responds, “Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it.

There were two blondes going to California -Blonde Jokes

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says “If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day”

A Blonde and a Brunette are Driving-Blonde Jokes

A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she’s speeding so she asks the blonde if there’s a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he’s got his lights on. The blonde replies “Yes…No…Yes…No…Yes…No”