Best Christmas Jokes

Here is the best collection of  best christmas jokes which you can share with your family and friends on the festival of christmas.

What did the sea Say to Santa?

Nothing! It just waved!

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What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?

Santa going through a revolving door!

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Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Because it ‘soots’ him!

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What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?

Krisp Kringle!

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What do elves post on Social Media?

Elf-ies!

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What happened to the turkey at Christmas?

It got gobbled!

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How do snowmen get around?

They ride an icicle

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What do you call a cat in the desert?

Sandy Claws!

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What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train?

Platforms!

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What song do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?

Freeze a jolly good fellow!

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?

She gave him the cold shoulder!

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What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

What is Santa’s favorite place to deliver presents?

Idaho-ho-ho!

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What kind of cars do elves like to drive?

A Toy-ota!

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What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, thump?

Santa laughing his head off!

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What’s worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?

Frosty the snowman with a hot flush!

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When is a boat just like snow?

When its adrift!

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Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because it was the chicken’s day off!

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What do you call Father Christmas in the beach?

Sandy Clause!

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What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker!

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What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

Subordinate clauses!

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Who is the king of Santa’s rock and roll helpers?

Elfis! (Thank you, thank you very much!)

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Noah: What is a bird’s favorite Christmas story?

Mike: I haven’t a clue.

Noah: The Finch Who Stole Christmas.

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Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?

Because of all the wrapping!

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Teacher: Johnny, define claustrophobia.

Johnny: Fear of Santa Claus?

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Luke: What do elves do after school?

Jeffrey: I don’t know. What?

Luke: Their gnome work!

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What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime?

Merry Christmas to ewe!

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How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?

Fleece Navidad!

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How do Chihuahua’s say Merry Christmas?

Fleas Navidog!

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What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve!

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Why is it so cold at Christmas?

Because it’s in Decembrrrr!

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What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime?

Season’s Bleatings!

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Why should Christmas dinner always be well done?

So you can say “Merry Crispness”!

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What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time?

A sad candy cane!

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What’s the favourite Christmas Carol of new parents?

Silent Night!

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Pedro: What has a jolly laugh, brings you presents and scratches up your furniture?

Ordep: Beats me. What?

Pedro: Santa Claws.

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Johnny: I don’t know. What?

Zoey: A pineapple!

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Moe: What are you going to give your little brother for Christmas this year?

Joe: I haven’t decided yet.

Moe: What did you give him last year?

Joe: The measles.

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A Christmas thought:

STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.

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What kind of Christmas tree comes from Hawaii?

“O Tanning Palms”!

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What do wild animals sing at Christmastime?

Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!

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What’s the best thing to put into Christmas dinner?

Your teeth!

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A definition of Christmas:

The time when everyone gets “Santa”-mental.

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Where do snowmen keep their money?

In a snowbank!

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What do you get when you cross a pine cone and a polar bear?

A fur tree!

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Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy!

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What do fish sing at Christmas time?

Christmas Corals!

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What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve!

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Sean: Knock, knock.

Fawn: Who’s there?

Sean: Murray.

Fawn: Murray who?

Sean: Murray Christmas, one and all!

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Chris: What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?

Chrissy: What?

Chris: Chill out.

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Trey: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?

Brandon: I give up.

Trey: Frostbite.

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William: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

David: What?

William: Do you smell carrots?

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Pee Wee: What did the reindeer say to the football player?

Westy: I don’t know.

Pee Wee: “Your Blitzen days are over!”

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Who delivers presents to cats?

Santa Paws!

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Where does Santa go when he’s sick?

To the elf center!

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Jacob: What do road crews use at the North Pole?

Jason: I don’t know.

Jacob: Snow cones!

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Santa: Knock, knock

Elf: Who’s there?

Santa: Olive.

Elf: Olive, who?

Santa: Olive the other reindeer.

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Josh: What does Jack Frost like best about school?

John: What?

Josh: Snow and tell.

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What does Santa do with fat elves?

He sends them to an Elf Farm!

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Who is Santa’s favorite singer?

Elf-is Presley!

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What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?

Krisp Kringle!

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Where do elves go to dance?

Christmas Balls!

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How long do a reindeers legs have to be?

Long enough so they can touch the ground!

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What athlete is warmest in winter?

A long jumper!

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Why did the Rudolph cross the road?

Because he was tied to the chicken!

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Why did the turkey join the band?

Because it had the drumsticks!

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What did one snowman say to the other?

I couldn’t hear them, so I have snow-idea!

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Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?

They always drop their needles!

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Sister: What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?

Brother: A list of everything I want!

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Will: Where do snowmen keep their money?

Bill: Beats me.

Will: In a snow bank.

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Killian: Knock, knock.

Gary: Who’s there?

Killian: Pizza.

Gary: Pizza, who?

Killian: Pizza on earth, good will toward men!

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Tim: Did you know Santa had only eight reindeer last Christmas?

Jim: Huh?

Tim: Comet stayed home to clean the sink.

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How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

One that’s deep pan, crisp and even!

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What are the best Christmas sweaters made from?

Fleece Navidad!

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What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?

Cross Mouse Cards!

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What is the worst disease that you get at Christmas?

Excemas!

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Why do ghosts live in the fridge?

Because it’s cool!

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What did one Christmas tree say to the other Christmas tree?

“I wish Christmas would last forever because there would be no Sep-timber!”

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Where would you find chili beans?

At the north pole!

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What is the most competitive season?

Win-ter!

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Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Harold

Harold who?

Hark the Harold Angels Sing!

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How did Mary & Joseph know how much Jesus weighted when he was born?

There was a weight in a manger!

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What do you call a three legged donkey?

A wonky donkey!

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What’s the name of the one horse in “Jingle Bells”?

Bob. (Bells on Bob’s tail ring!)

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What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?

Mistle-toad!

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What do sheep say at Christmas?

Wool-tide Bleatings! or A Merry Christmas to Ewe!

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Why don’t penguins fly?

Because they’re not tall enough to be pilots!

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What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet!

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What do elves eat for breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!

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Which of Santa’s reindeers have to mind their manners most?

Rude-olph!

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What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?

Quit hanging around!

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Why do cats take so long to wrap presents?

They want them to be purr-fect!

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What athlete is warmest in winter?

A long jumper!

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What athlete is warmest in winter?

A long jumper!

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Why don’t penguins fly?

Because they’re not tall enough to be pilots

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What’s the most popular Christmas wine?

‘I don’t like Brussels sprouts!’

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What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ‘ribbet ribbet’?

A Mistle-toad!

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What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas Cake?

Your teeth!

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Why is everyone so thirsty at the north pole?

No well, no well!

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Which football team did the baby Jesus support?

Manger-ster United!

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What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!

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What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?

Jingle Smells!

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Children: This turkey tastes like an old sofa!

Mom: Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing!

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What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?

He got 25 days!

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Where does Mistletoe go to become famous?

“Holly” wood!

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What do crackers, fruitcake and nuts remind me of?

You!

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How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad!

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What is the best xmas present in the world?

A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!

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How did Scrooge with the football game?

The ghost of Christmas passed!

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Why wouldn’t the cat climb the Christmas tree?

It was afraid of the bark.

 

What do angry mice send to each other in December?

Cross mouse cards!

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What comes at the end of Christmas Day?

The letter “Y”!

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What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light?

You light me up!

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What’s the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? 

A list of everything you want!

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Where do mistletoe go to become famous?

“Holly” wood!

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What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has “no EL”!

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What happens if you eat too many Christmas decorations?

You get “Tinsel”-itis!

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What did one Christmas cracker say to the other Christmas cracker?

My POP is bigger than yours!

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“Do you ever buy any Christmas Seals?” 

“No, I wouldn’t know how to feed them.”

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What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor?

Ribbon Hood!

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What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?

Nice gnawing you!

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Where do Santa’s reindeer stop for coffee?

Star-bucks

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What is the best key to get at Christmas?

A turkey!

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What’s the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? 

A list of everything you want!

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Sean: Knock, knock.

Fawn: Who’s there?

Sean: Murray.

Fawn: Murray who?

Sean: Murray Christmas, one and all

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Why didn’t the rope get any Christmas presents?

It was knotty!

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Why didn’t the rope get any Christmas presents?

It was knotty!

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How does Christmas Day end?

With the letter ‘Y’!

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