A dog walks into a job center. ‘Wow, a talking dog,’ says the clerk. ‘With your talent I’m sure we can find you a gig in the circus.’ ‘The circus?’ says the dog. ‘What does a circus want with a plumber?’
Two men are talking about animals. One says to the other, ‘I know of a dog worth $10,000.’ ‘Really?’ replies the other. ‘Who would have thought a dog could save so much.’
Where do dogs go when their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Why did the dog sit in the shade?
Because he didn’t want to be a hot dog.
Q: Why was the dog stealing shingles?
A: He wanted to become a woofer!
I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
Q: Why did the snowman name his dog “Frost”?
A: Because he bites!
Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show!
Walking past a veterinary clinic, a woman noticed a small boy and his dog waiting outside. ‘Are you here to see Dr Meyer?’ she asked. ‘Yes,’ the boy said. ‘I’m having my dog put in neutral.’
What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
Three boys see a fire engine with a dog go by and discuss what his job is. ‘Crowd control?’ says one boy. ‘He’s the mascot.’ says the second boy. The third boy nods sagely: ‘He finds fire hydrants.’
What do you get if you cross a rottweiler and a hyena? I don’t know but I recommend you join in if it laughs.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten-tickles.
Q: What kind of dog did Dracula have?
A: A bloodhound.
Q: Why don’t blind people go skydiving more often?
A: Because it frightens the dog!
Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?
A: Well you won’t be getting any mail, that’s for sure.
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter, he still won’t come when you call.
Q: What’s the difference between a businessman and a hot dog?
A: The businessman wears a suit but the dog just pants.
Q: How did the little Scottish dog react when he met the Loch Ness Monster?
A: He was Terrier-fied!
Q: Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?
A: Cats can’t drive!
Q: Why do dogs like conjunctions?
A: They just love buts.
Q: Why do dogs make terrible dance partners?
A: They’ve got two left feet!
Q: What looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and is very dangerous?
A: A dog with a machete.