What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Bear Jokes
What do you get if you cross a teddy
Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ?
A: A teddy boar !
What’s the difference between a Teddy and a turkey?
What’s the difference between a Teddy and a turkey?
If you don’t know that, maybe you shouldn’t cook any holiday dinners….
Q: Have you ever hunted bear ?
Q: Have you ever hunted bear ?
A: No, but I’ve been shooting in my shorts!
Why do bears have fur coats?
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Once upon a time, a beautiful princess happened
Once upon a time, a beautiful princess happened upon a frog in a pond.
The frog said to the princess, “I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel lucky for doing so.”
That night the princess had frog legs for dinner.
They place animal informants throughout the forest
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Why do bears have fur coats?
A: Because they’d look stupid in anoraks!
How do you start a Teddy bear race?
How do you start a Teddy bear race?
Teddy, Set, Go!
What do you get if you cross a teddy
What do you get if you cross a teddy with a toaster?
A bear that keeps popping out all night
Why do purple teddy bears eat
Why do purple teddy bears eat less than brown teddy bears?
Because there are fewer of them
What’s the difference between a teddy bear and a biscuit?
What’s the difference between a teddy bear and a biscuit?
You don’t dunk your teddy into your tea
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
Why do pandas like old movies?
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
What do men and beer have in common?
What do men and beer have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up.
What time is it when 3 bears are chasing you?
Q: What time is it when 3 bears are chasing you?
A: 3 after 1
What’s a teddy bears favorite pasta?
What’s a teddy bears favorite pasta?
Tagliateddy!
How do Teddies send their letters?
How do Teddies send their letters?
By bear mail, of course!
What’s white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?
What’s white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?
A molar bear!
What do you call a Teddy bear at the North Pole?
What do you call a Teddy bear at the North Pole?
Lost!
Why shouldn’t you take a bear to the zoo?
Why shouldn’t you take a bear to the zoo?
A: Because they’d rather go to the movies!
What do you get if you cross a teddy
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A: A teddy boar!
What’s cuddly and goes putt putt?
What’s cuddly and goes putt putt?
A teddy playing golf
What’s the difference between a teddy and a turkey?
What’s the difference between a teddy and a turkey?
If you don’t know that, then I won’t ask you to cook Christmas dinner
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Two scientists, one from the Czech Republic
Two scientists, one from the Czech Republic and one from Austria, traveled to America to study the legendary grizzly bear.
When they failed to return from their first trip into the woods, two park rangers went looking for them and quickly tracked down a male and a female bear who’d been by the scientists’ campsite.
Their apprehension was proven justified when they tranquilized the female grizzly and found the remains of the Austrian.
The first park ranger said sadly, “You know what this means…”
The second ranger said, “Yeah, the Czech is in the male.”
How do you start a teddy bear race?
How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go!
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
What has no pants and screams like a bear?
What has no pants and screams like a bear?
A bear.
How do you hire a teddy bear?
Q: How do you hire a teddy bear?
A: Put him on stilts !
What do polo bears have for lunch?
What do polo bears have for lunch?
Ice burger!
What do you get if you cross a grizzly
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear faced lyre!
What’s a teddy bears favourite pasta ?
Q: What’s a teddy bears favourite pasta ?
A: Tagliateddy !
Why did Joe dress his bear in a cowboy suit?
Why did Joe dress his bear in a cowboy suit?
Because the teddy couldn’t dress himself
How do you start a teddy bear race ?
Q: How do you start a teddy bear race ?
A: Ready, teddy, go !
How do teddies keep their houses cool in summer?
How do teddies keep their houses cool in summer?
They use bear conditioning
Why shouldn’t you take a bear to the zoo?
Q: Why shouldn’t you take a bear to the zoo?
A: Because they’d rather go to the movies!
How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer?
Q: How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer?
A: Ice burger !
I heard Rex Grossman tried
I heard Rex Grossman tried to kill himself after the Super Bowl …
He couldn’t go through with it though. He kept dropping the gun …
How do you trap a polar bear?
How do you trap a polar bear?
You cut a hole in the ice. Line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole.
What do you call a big white bear
Q: What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle ?
A: A polo bear !
They use bear conditioning!
A: They use bear conditioning!
Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common ?
What’s the best way to hunt bear?
Q: What’s the best way to hunt bear?
A: With no clothes on.
i would tell a chemistry joke…
i would tell a chemistry joke…
but im afraid i won’t get a reaction
What is a koala bear’s
What is a koala bear’s favourite drink ?
A.Koka-Koala !
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup, and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. “I’ve never been better!” he boasted.
“I’ve got an eighteen year old bride who’s pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?”
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, “Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.”
The doctor continued, “So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle.”
“And do you know what happened?”the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied “No.”
The doctor continued, “The bear dropped dead in front of him!”
“That’s impossible!” exclaimed the old man. “Someone else must have shot that bear.”
“That’s kind of what I’m getting at …” replied the doctor.