A dog walks into a job center.

A dog walks into a job center. ‘Wow, a talking dog,’ says the clerk. ‘With your talent I’m sure we can find you a gig in the circus.’ ‘The circus?’ says the dog. ‘What does a circus want with a plumber?’

Once upon a time, a beautiful princess happened

Once upon a time, a beautiful princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess, “I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel lucky for doing so.”

That night the princess had frog legs for dinner.

They place animal informants throughout the forest

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

Two scientists, one from the Czech Republic

Two scientists, one from the Czech Republic and one from Austria, traveled to America to study the legendary grizzly bear.

When they failed to return from their first trip into the woods, two park rangers went looking for them and quickly tracked down a male and a female bear who’d been by the scientists’ campsite.

Their apprehension was proven justified when they tranquilized the female grizzly and found the remains of the Austrian.

The first park ranger said sadly, “You know what this means…”

The second ranger said, “Yeah, the Czech is in the male.”