“I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ‘That guy sure owed me a lot of money.’” – Jack Handy
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” – Erma Bombeck
“The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.”
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
If you have a grief nobody feels,
If you have a pain nobody feels.
If your heart is broken nobody feels,
but if you fart all will understand.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?
Ill call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad.
Q: What is the sharpest thing in the world?
A: A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn’t even leave a hole.
Q: What’s the difference between a museum and a Mr. Methane act?
A: One has artifacts; the other does farty acts.