I’m aware that the voices in my head aren’t real. But their ideas are just awesome sometimes!
“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” – Steve Martin
When people tell me “You’re going to regret that in the morning,” I sleep in until noon because I’m a problem solver.
If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.
When somebody doesn’t get something:
I’m sorry, I have neither the patience, nor the coloring crayons to explain this to you.