Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
They once made a “Chuck Norris” brand toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.