“I almost got my haircut then I thought I’d mullet over first.”
There’s that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell.
Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass?“
I mustache you a question but I’ll shave it for later – Frisk from the Undertale”
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
I asked little Johnny, ‘What would you like for your birthday?’
He said, ‘Tampons please.’
I said, ‘Tampons!? Why do you want tampons for your birthday!?’
He replied, ‘I saw a great TV ad. With a tampon you can go swimming, biking and skiing.’
I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there
Little Johnny asks his mum, “Mum, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time in a faraway land’?”
“No darling,” says his mother, somewhat distressed, “Sometimes, they can begin with ‘I’ve got too much work in the office tonight, I’ll come home later’.”
Q: Did you ever hear about that movie constipation?
A: It never came out.
Little Johnny plays “shoot the apple from the head” with his friends. The first shot lands directly in his eye. “Ooowww man, you got me right in the eye!” he complains to his friend.
But the other friend also wants a go and persuades Johnny that he is a much better shot. But bingo, the second shot gets Johnny in the other eye.
Johnny gives up: “Well I’ve had it with this game, I’m going home. Mom said I should come back once it gets dark anyway.”